Reflections on Turning Fifty

Reflections on Turning Fifty
A Message to the Royal College, Colombo, English Medium 61-Group
05 March, 1999

With the impending turn of the century, every busybody looks forward with Cassandra-like pessimism to usher in the 3rd millennium on 01 Jan-2000, notwithstanding the learned logic of 01 Jan-2001, as oft-explained and expounded by that brilliant British-born Lanka-based science-fiction writer, Sir Arthur C Clarke, Kt, CBE.

But there’s a far greater tragedy which is expected to begin occurring from about mid-July, 1999, and flow through the last day of June, 2000. That of 36-titans belonging to the unforgettable group called the Royal College English Medium (RCEM) 61-Group, graduating ruefully from their naughty-forties into a tragic but formidable Fifty!

Now dawns the era of fortnightly blood pressure checks maintained at an ideal 120/80 if not at 140/90 at the maximum, fasting blood sugar levels between 70 and 110, annual checks on liver and lipid profiles, haemoglobin PCV-RBC and WBC-DC tests, ECG and even EEG if one appears to be taking the bend, spectacles at +1.75Sph/-0.75/cyl/180Axis/6/6+VA on the minimum side, etc. New health programs, which include fat-free foods, controlled egg-intake to check cholesterol LDL & HDL, daily brisk 3-km walk @ 20-min. per km. If necessary, some guys may graduate from Vitamin-E to Viagra! Gradually transforming from the mundane pleasures to meditative prayer. A half-century well scored and productively spent. Will some chaps achieve the Psalmist’s span of three score and ten? Perhaps, the luckier ones a decade or even two more. Children to care for, or even grandchildren to tend. Hindsight might reveal whether you have simply wasted your time by living drearily and routinely just one day 18,250-times (365-daysx50-years)!? Now’s the time to take a change before it’s too late!

Now, we have the elder Statesman in the Class of 61, FirozeNathani, well respected for his age, wisdom and wit, illustrious as Nestor was to King Agamemnon, shifting from FotoColorLabs to ornamental fish exports, who quietly blew fifty candles over a fine cake on 06.08 last year! The second eldest guy in this Class took his final journey to God sometime in 1995, and would have celebrated 50 on 30.05. this year: that typewriter-boxer-cum-brilliant-artist, SeymourRoberts, who in College was remembered for his famous fight with his elder, the doughty FirozeN, eventually both emerging as winners. Apart from the strapper AmalDeMel who, after a long illness, departed this world while being a student in the famous 5R Class (sadly announced by old man Belleth) in about 1965, the babe of the Class, gem-merchant MohdNoorDeen, suddenly took his final journey while doing a jog on 06.11.1988 after celebrating his 38th b’day on 14.08. of that year, automatically making way for LeeSamad in Canada to fit into the slot as the last living soul in the Group to turn fifty on 30.06.2000.

Hence, we come to the other 35-guys falling in between, and whose fateful fifty is in the offing. First to go are two bankers, RifkyHMackeen in Citibank New York on 14.07.99, followed by precisely one week later with FeizalHathy at the OTB. The one down man coming in to bat gracefully at the crease, exactly five days later, the great garment exporter/entrepreneur-of-the-year-award-winner, MoinAhamed, looking all dashing and mighty like the Trojan hero Hector, followed three days later by that goliath who grows bigger on a daily basis, MunamRefai, now turned a serious business consultant.

In August, we see DrJawahar contributing valuable work at the TB Institute in Chennai, achieving a grand knock of 50 on the 4th followed five days later by his close pal in Class, MazharRGhouse (remember “the Kandyan kingdom graaaaaaaaadually declined…” followed by a couple of thundering slaps and stand-up-on-the-form from polished baldpate Ratnayake in Form-1). Twenty days after that event we see Colombo’s Deputy Mayor OmarZuraikKamil being reminded about his metamorphosis in age, but probably may not be able to celebrate on account of absolute pressure of work round-the-24-Hr-clock, political and social.

September will storm in like a rattlesnake turning hardware merchant NavrozeAsgerally 50 on the crucial date of 09.09.99, the date that some computer systems could read as a program termination command for some of the sophisticated WorkStations, let alone the forthcoming Y2K headache feared by computer wizards in end-Dec. Eight days after that calamity, we have hotelier FazalIzzadeen blow out fifty candles on the birth anniversaries of old-JRJ and Anagarika Dharmapala. On the following day, a joint party by the once-studious GraemeHamishWoutersz, still productively fishing at the Fisheries Corporation, and caterer (super parata and potatoes!) AbdulRaufMoosa, ending September on a fine note. October-03 brings us to the fearless Achilles of the Class, the redoubtable DonMichaelLloydWalpola, all serious and digging his goldmines in far out LA and exploring new ventures in hot Arizona. Twenty days later MFLye (Belleth heard it as I can fly!) quietly transforms into fifty in Sydney, DownUnder. The once-mischievous but now serious advertising idol sometimes seen on local TV commercials dozing in a Jumbo jet, ChamanAmarasekera (the bane of “you son of a seacook!” Thamba) at Grants, flies into his fifties on 28-Oct, and the last day of the month brings in ABalachandran, the civil engineer in Chennai, hitting a hefty fifty.

Sixteenth of November catapults EricManny to 50 in distant Vancouver, Canada, followed six days later by PeiterJKriekenbeek, in Melbourne, Australia, cracking his fifty after having recently recovered from a mild heart condition (fortunately an appeal given Not Out!), and four days later the first Colombo University degree holder in the RCEM 61-Group, Delano(President Roosevelt)Uduman successfully steering his SurveyResearch Company, followed two days later by HabeebullahMoulana trudging the deserts of Qatar. Fourth of December marks bachelor artist-cum-advertiser ImtiazHamid’s landmark at 50, and the day following Christmas, that is Boxing Day, will mark topflight photo-catcher Zarani’s, and interest-free-banker TariqMahmud’s joint coming of age!

After the passing of the Y2K Apocalypse with the dawn of AD2000, on the 8th day of Jan. we have co-secy-cum-chronicler FirozeSameer celebrating 50 on the birth anniversaries of SWRDB and ElvisPresley, followed on the next day by the ubiquitous Zarook of recent Sinhala drama-organizing fame, and twenty days after that event Wahid the ex-garment export expert shoots to 50. February-16, the birth anniversary of the eminent ColvinRdeSilva, brings hardware businessman Zafideen to 50. March will come in fleeting like a mad hare making gem-caterer-merchant IfthikharAziz crack his half a century on the 10th followed nine days later by educationist principal, the studious RogerVL in Melbourne, Australia. April-11 brings ImtiazSariffo’deen in the Saudi Arabian deserts, now yearning to return to return to good ole Sri Lanka, to 50, followed five days later by DHL-mandarin RafilHamid waiting any moment to emigrate with family to New Zealand and hoping to shuttle from Karachi in Pakistan, six days after which VernonKern at the fishing net industry lights his fifty candles, followed three days later by a joint celebration by former bookseller DavidLoos in LA and banker BeverlyPaul, in Toronto, Canada, carefully notching their scores. The only month of rest from birthday parties will be May, 2000.

In the final month of June, 2000, hotelier FareedJaldeen, specializing in personnel management, goes over the ropes to clock 50 on the 20th followed ten days later by the Last Man In LeeSamad in Canada finishing off this tragic turn of events to a dynamic end.

On 01 July, 2000, God-willing, the word will see 36 aging guys, somewhat grey-haired and baldpated to some extent, 50-years completed in age but perhaps still thinking young, going about complacently with their respective lives, earning their bread, tending to their families and work, and heading toward their uncertain destinies in various points of the globe, with a smile.

May God bless the RCEM 61-Group with long, healthy life, peace of mind and prosperity!

- AFS

Slightly Revised on 27.02.06

Marriage Proposal

I was going through some old files and found a letter I had sent in response to an advert -

Madam,

I am an olden young man living only with myself in Colombo. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Sri Lanka. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly.I am gay.

Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top.That is how nice I am.

I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the gym and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants are always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the gym.If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon,

Yours and only yours

Welcome to Blogging - all the breast for 2006

Click on any picture to make it bigger (unfortunately, there are no assurances, that anything else will likewise get bigger when you click).

Posted by Rafil H.

CHINESE SICK LEAVE - "I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!"

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Boss I no come work today, I real sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today.When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex.That makes everything better and I go work. You try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon..... You got nice house."

Posted by Moin A.

Yoga in Ireland and India

Posted by Moin A.

Sam's literary pursuits ....

Hi Guys!Just thought of sharing with you some of my published essays in the local Daily News in recent years. I wrote these in the year 2004 while working in government service, and you will discern that I had a lot of free time to do these pieces just to keep away the boredom of observing the passing hour! These subjects I chose with great care, and may interest some of you guys. One essay (3A) by Rohan Jayawardana refers to my article on Troy and serves as a sequel.These essays are all available for download from the Web Online Daily News by simply clocking in the title and name of the author. Hope you guys will be able to see the photos/pictures which sometimes doesn't appear unless the original is downloaded. Anyway, good luck and enjoy your read.

Luv always
Sam

7 attachments — Download all attachmentsFS Essays-1 Reading British View as HTML DownloadFS Essays-2 Brando's Godfather Revisited. View as HTML DownloadFS Essays-3 Hollywood Movie Springs from Homer's Epics. View as HTML DownloadFS Essays-3A Of the the Aeneid, Caesar Augustus, Jesus and Zeus by Rohan Jayawardana. View as HTML DownloadFS Essays-4 Horror of Hannibal Lecter. View as HTML DownloadFS Essays-5 A Tribute to Gamini Fonseka. View as HTML DownloadFS Essays-6 Mohanraj Sustains Music Tradition. View as HTML Download

Salute to the MAN ...Sam ...

Hi Folks,Its high time we salute this man Sameer for his untiring efforts in trying to get all ofus together. First he brought to us theDirectory, then this present facility of mailsreaching everyone of us and now we see himleading from the front in getting this off the ground. His memory is incredible ! and oh boy! What an exhaustive account of our school days he has given us. He has virtually taken usback to our college days 40 yrs back and when I finished reading this, I felt as if I wasjust now in college ! He came to Chennai ( India) recently and I had the opportunity of taking him out shopping and we in fact relived thosegood old days. I can even go to the extent of saying that he has shrunk the world for usand this is no exaggeration.Well, as Jawahar has suggested, I too feelthat we all meet sooon at a convenient time in Colombo of course, preferably at Royal, before we become NAKIYAS !!Are all those living abroad listening? I amwill be really worth it if we all do meetonce again.Sameer! I shall add to your list and alsocorrect some of your narratives in my nextmail. All said and done, hats off to you!!With love to all,Bala

Posted by Bala A.

Wish it was me ...

Posted by Navroze A.

Europian English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement where English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as “Euro-English.”

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”.Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”.This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou”, and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis, and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze vorld!

Posted by Firoze S.

KADALAY OF ROYAL: By Eardley Lieversz

David Ponniah remarked in his warden's message that the Royal-Thomian involved people gathering together to watch a game of cricket. Implied in his remark was that the memories and collective traditions of the spectators provided an indispensable backdrop to what went on in the middle.The Royal-Thomian had many characters, some of whom were former players. Sarath Samerasinghe, who represented Royal between 1956 and 1960 was as much a character off the field as he was on it. After rain brought a premature end to the game he was seen to blow a trumpet claiming without much conviction to be an exponent of what he referred to as "carnatic"music.Charlie Gunasekera was another Royalist who could produce a musical instrument at the drop of a hat and liven up proceedings with, slapstick humour and a tinge of eccentricity.

However, the greatest character to grace the Royal-Thomian neither studied nor taught at either of the schools, but was a humble gram seller.In the mid-thirties Thangiah Ponniah (aka Kadalay) worked as a dressing boy for jockey Don Benjamin. His duties were to prepare the jockey and saddle the horse before every race. He subsequently worked as a ball picker on the Royal College tennis courts. However, he came from a family of gram sellers resident in Slave Island and this was to be his main profession.Although Kadalay claimed to have been a follower of Royal cricket since 1937, he came to Royal in 1947 as a 21 year boy to assist the female gram seller Kadalay Achchi. He used to sell wade next to her and also collected debts for her. Subsequently he was allowed to sell gram by himself but only outside the college premises by Kadalay Achchi. It was only following the death of the Kadalay Achchi, in the early sixties, that he started selling inside the college premises. His association with Royal ended in 1990 the year he passed away. Kadalay's business was contained in a glassed wooden case about 2 feet long and a foot wide. In this was contained a selection of taste gram and boiled gram. During cricket matches at Reid Avenue, he was wont to park his business in the vicinity of the jam fruit tree at the point at which the two walls which separated Royal from Thurstan, intersected.On Saturdays he sometimes arrived at the grounds unencumbered which allowed him to fortify himself with spirits. As a result he was more vocal in his comments. Not unlike his loyalty to Royal, Kadalay\'s attire was consistent ? white shirt and sarong. He only shaved is black beard after obtaining white collar employment in the late nineties. Where he lived was a mystery although in the seventies he lived in the old cycle shed.Kadalay symbolised the ecumenical spirit of the times. He communicated solely in English and Sinhalese, the only concession to his Dravidian ancestry being the manner in which he addressed everyone as "Dorai".

To all those who knew him he was the best supporter and friend Royal ever had. His ethnicity was irrelevant. Not only did Kadalay not miss a Royal-Thomian, he hardly ever missed a game of cricket or rugby, even turning up when Royal played in Kandy. Kadalay was known to clear the cigarette buts, empty liquor bottles and other tell tale items from the dormitories of St. Anthony\'s and Trinity, prior to the arrival of the master-in-charge in the morning. At Asgiriya in 1964 it was Kadalay who warned a future Royal cricket captain of a plan to harm him. During sparsely attended third term cricket games at Reid Avenue Kadalay\'s presence lent importance to the proceedings.It is very likely that he attended more sporting encounters involving Royal than any other Royalist. His association with Royal sport was so complete that it buried all other associations he may have had. Almost nothing is known of his parents and siblings. As a result of his ubiquitouspresence he developed a sporting acumen which qualified him to comment on the state of the game. He often picked cricket, rugby and relay teams ahead of the official selection and was very vocal in his criticism of players who did not meet his approval. By the early fifties Kadalay was a Royal institution and icon. His exuberance was exemplified in 1961 at the end of the public schools 4 X 400 relay. When Darrell Lieversz gained the baton for the final lap Royal were running third. However, he gained ground to win the relay for Royal. Kadalay symbolised Royal\'s elation by running up to Darrell Lieversz, hugging him and carrying him off his feet, spikes and all."

On Saturdays he sometimes arrived at the grounds unencumbered which allowed him to fortify himself with spirits. As a result he was more vocal in his comments. Not unlike his loyalty to Royal, Kadalay's attire was consistent ? white shirt and sarong. He only shaved is black beard after obtaining white collar employment in the late nineties. Where he lived was a mystery although in the seventies he lived in the old cycle shed.Kadalay symbolised the ecumenical spirit of the times. He communicated solely in English and Sinhalese, the only concession to his Dravidian ancestry being the manner in which he addressed everyone as "Dorai".To all those who knew him he was the best supporter and friend Royal ever had. His ethnicity was irrelevant. Not only did Kadalay not miss a Royal-Thomian, he hardly ever missed a game of cricket or rugby, even turning up when Royal played in Kandy. Kadalay was known to clear the cigarette buts, empty liquor bottles and other tell tale items from the dormitories of St. Anthony's and Trinity, prior to the arrival of the master-in-charge in the morning. At Asgiriya in 1964 it was Kadalay who warned a future Royal cricket captain of a plan to harm him. During sparsely attended third term cricket games at Reid Avenue Kadalay's presence lent importance to the proceedings.It is very likely that he attended more sporting encounters involving Royal than any other Royalist. His association with Royal sport was so complete that it buried all other associations he may have had. Almost nothing is known of his parents and siblings. As a result of his ubiquitouspresence he developed a sporting acumen which qualified him to comment on the state of the game. He often picked cricket, rugby and relay teams ahead of the official selection and was very vocal in his criticism of players who did not meet his approval. By the early fifties Kadalay was a Royal institution and icon. His exuberance was exemplified in 1961 at the end of the public schools 4 X 400 relay. When Darrell Lieversz gained the baton for the final lap Royal were running third. However, he gained ground to win the relay for Royal. Kadalay symbolised Royal's elation by running up to Darrell Lieversz, hugging him and carrying him off his feet, spikes and all.During his 43 year association with Royal Kadalay witnessed three Royalwins over STC (1951, 1969 and 1983) and was present at four Royal defeats at the hands of STC (1952, 1953, 1964 and 1988). Kadalay\'s actions when Royal won in 1951 isn\'t known. I 1983 he is reported to have led the celebrations and to have carried Royal\'s cricketers around the grounds. However, he was in his element in 1969 and took credit for Royal\'s win. Before the 1969 Royal-Thomian journalist T.M.K. Samat interviewed Kadalay who remarked that in order to win all Royal had to do was to capture the wickets of Jayasekera, Kariyawasam, Wijeysooriya and de Saram, quickly. Samat observed that Kadalay did much to protect his prediction.Sensing that pitch invasions would lose Royal time and derail Royal\'s attempts to capture the remaining Thomian wickets in 1969, he used his authority to restrain Royal\'s enthusiastic supporters. Around 5.30 pm on the second day, the last Thomian pair were at the crease, Royal were on their way to a victory they had waited for 18 years, and Kadalay knew that only something that wasn\'t cricket would thwart Royal. There was a vociferous LBW appeal against which was turned down. However, a large contingent of Royalists invaded the field assuming the game was over. Fearing that this would encourage the Thomians who had nothing to lose, Royal\'s captain raced to towards the Royal boy\'s tent and urged the stewards to control the Royalists and prevent a repeat of such an incident. The captain\'s eye caught that of Kadalay who whose look captured the seriousness of the situation. That Kadalay could keep the Royalists behind the railing at such an emotional time speaks volumes for the respect h......There was no finer testimony to the iconic status of Kadalay than that Royalists young and old treated Royal\'s first win over STC in eighteen years as his personal triumph. After all no one had cheered Royal\'s cricketers along for as long as Kadalay, and if anyone deserved to savour this particular moment, it was him. While Kadalay was being interviewed a car stopped and the occupant put his hand out to offer his congratulations. The moment the car left Kadalay remarked that he didn\'t need help from anyone. All he wanted was that kind of acceptance and to be identified as part of Royal. This then is what made Kadalay such a champ. Although he never studied or taught at Royal, and emerged from a humble background, through his devotion to the cause of Royal sport, he become the best known Royalist, whom Royalists wished to share the school\'s greatest sporting moments with.",

During his 43 year association with Royal Kadalay witnessed three Royalwins over STC (1951, 1969 and 1983) and was present at four Royal defeats at the hands of STC (1952, 1953, 1964 and 1988). Kadalay's actions when Royal won in 1951 isn't known. I 1983 he is reported to have led the celebrations and to have carried Royal's cricketers around the grounds. However, he was in his element in 1969 and took credit for Royal's win. Before the 1969 Royal-Thomian journalist T.M.K. Samat interviewed Kadalay who remarked that in order to win all Royal had to do was to capture the wickets of Jayasekera, Kariyawasam, Wijeysooriya and de Saram, quickly. Samat observed that Kadalay did much to protect his prediction.Sensing that pitch invasions would lose Royal time and derail Royal's attempts to capture the remaining Thomian wickets in 1969, he used his authority to restrain Royal's enthusiastic supporters. Around 5.30 pm on the second day, the last Thomian pair were at the crease, Royal were on their way to a victory they had waited for 18 years, and Kadalay knew that only something that wasn't cricket would thwart Royal. There was a vociferous LBW appeal against which was turned down. However, a large contingent of Royalists invaded the field assuming the game was over. Fearing that this would encourage the Thomians who had nothing to lose, Royal's captain raced to towards the Royal boy's tent and urged the stewards to control the Royalists and prevent a repeat of such an incident. The captain's eye caught that of Kadalay who whose look captured the seriousness of the situation. That Kadalay could keep the Royalists behind the railing at such an emotional time speaks volumes for the respect h......There was no finer testimony to the iconic status of Kadalay than that Royalists young and old treated Royal's first win over STC in eighteen years as his personal triumph. After all no one had cheered Royal's cricketers along for as long as Kadalay, and if anyone deserved to savour this particular moment, it was him. While Kadalay was being interviewed a car stopped and the occupant put his hand out to offer his congratulations. The moment the car left Kadalay remarked that he didn't need help from anyone. All he wanted was that kind of acceptance and to be identified as part of Royal. This then is what made Kadalay such a champ. Although he never studied or taught at Royal, and emerged from a humble background, through his devotion to the cause of Royal sport, he become the best known Royalist, whom Royalists wished to share the school's greatest sporting moments with.Kadalay\'s views on the Royal-Thomian were recorded in the 1974 Royal souvenir. Although he is likely to have altered his views in the next 16 years, they are still worth mentioning for what they reveal about him.His best batsman, bowler, fielder, wicket keeper and all rounder, were Vijaya Malalasekera, Asita Jayaweera, Lorensz Pereira and S.D. Jayaratne, respectively. His best captain was Jagath Fernando whom he says played for the sake of the game. Of 26 years of cricket (1946-1973) his most memorable Royal-Thomian was that of 1969 for the team spirit Royal demonstrated.Thangiah Ponniah gave his all for Royal and contributed much to her sporting camaraderie. In return Royalists looked after him in his declining years.

In late eighties Kadalay obtained employment at a business run by ex-Royalist entrepreneurs and housed at Vauxhall Street. He used to reside on the premises of Royal College. A former prefect and house captain used to collect him after dropping his son off at school and take him to work. He did not have any specific job to perform and he used to sit at a desk at the entrance to the office more like a guest relations officer. When he passed away at about the time of the 1990 Royal-Thomian he was back at Slave Island where it is was believed he was born.Kadalay's views on the Royal-Thomian were recorded in the 1974 Royal souvenir. Although he is likely to have altered his views in the next 16 years, they are still worth mentioning for what they reveal about him.His best batsman, bowler, fielder, wicket keeper and all rounder, were Vijaya Malalasekera, Asita Jayaweera, Lorensz Pereira and S.D. Jayaratne, respectively. His best captain was Jagath Fernando whom he says played for the sake of the game. Of 26 years of cricket (1946-1973) his most memorable Royal-Thomian was that of 1969 for the team spirit Royal demonstrated.Thangiah Ponniah gave his all for Royal and contributed much to her sporting camaraderie. In return Royalists looked after him in his declining years.

We will never see the likes of him again.Ends

Posted by Firoze S.

Bricklayers Report

This is a bricklayer’s accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board.

This is a true story. Had this guy died, he’d have received a Darwin Award for sure…

“Dear Sir:“I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block-3 of the accident report form. I put a ‘poor planning’ as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation, and I trust the following explanation will be sufficient.“I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-storey building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.“Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.“You will note in block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs.“Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.“In the vicinity of the third floor I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive, speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in section-3 of the accident report form.“Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now, devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.“In the vicinity of the third floor I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here, my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks, and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.“I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope, and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down on me. This explains the two broken legs.“I hope this answers your inquiry.”“In the vicinity of the third floor I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here, my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks, and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.“I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope, and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down on me. This explains the two broken legs.“I hope this answers your inquiry.”

Phil FerrisSPN-CIO Project Management

Posted by Firoze S.

Royal Primary - Fancy Dress Party

Can you guess whose who.....

contributed by Peter K.

Royal College and great teachers.- 1955

(click on the picture to make it bigger)Left to right starting from the TOP row:S.ID.F DISSANAYAKE, C.PATHMANATHAN, H.C. ARULANANDAN, S.JAYAWARDENE, E.M.J.S FERNANDO, H. MENDIS, E.C. GUNASEKERA, C. MAHAENDRAN, B. ST. E. DE BRUIN, L.S. SAMARARAATNE, A. TENNEKOON, VIJI WIRASINHA, L.PARANAVITARNA, W.A. WICKREMASENA M.B.H. WARIAPOLA, B.G.N. SARIFODEEN, H.C. ABEYNAIKE, M.D. FERNANDO A. RATHNATHICAM, A.L. BALDSING, J.DE S.ABEYDEERA, S. SIVARAMAN, H.M. SAMARAWEERA, K.L. IYER, L.F.M. SAMUEL, S.E. DIAS, A.I DE ABRERA, E.W. RUPASINGHE, H. PERERA, R. RAJARATNAM, E.F.C. PEREIRA, M.T. THAMBAPILLAI, L. DE SILVA, K.C. FERNANDO, H.W. NATHANIEL, A.D. BAPTIST, S.H. PERERA, R.C. EDWARS, C. SAMARASINGHE, C.P.DE ABEYSINGHE, C.E. BELLETH, M.K.J. CANTLAY, A.V.P. JAYATUNGE, DUDLEY K.G. DE SILVA, M.M. GUNARATNE, T.M. WEERASINGHE, S. - Contributed by A.Y. (Tissa) Atapattu of the 1947 Group.

Posted by Peter K.

RCEM 61-Group Classroom Antics

CATAPULTING INTO THE 1960s

REMINISCENCES ON SOME UNFORGETTABLE EXPERIENCES IN THE ROYAL COLLEGE COLOMBO ‘61-GROUP ENGLISH MEDIUM CLASS

- a masterpiece by Firoze Sameer aka SAM....

A major group passes out from Royal Primary School, Colombo, and a few other guys pass out and come from other reputed schools into Royal College, Colombo, in year 1961. The following incidents occurred in the English Medium Class, and are probably etched in the memory palaces of every one of those intractable guys who are now great gentlemen in their mid-fifties, and doing tremendously well in their respective vocations. Just sit back, and re-live those halcyon and happy times which moved at snail’s pace in a time when you guys were just 11 to 17 years young, and were subject to a society which was rather cold, brutal and sadistic at times, and which molded us to become what we now are! If you’ve got an anecdote which is not found here, or which we have forgotten, please send it to all of us to enjoy! These mood pieces are written with malice to none and love to all, including those who tortured us physically and mentally, whom we forgive but not forget, and should be read with the hilarity of the moment as it was experienced in that far forgotten era.

Here goes…

1- Mr HS Perera -As far as can be recalled, this incident was the first one of absolute shock experienced by us young 11-year lads at Form-1 in 1961.Mr HS Perera, average stature, attired in crisp laundered cream tussore suit, white shirt, dark tie, and shoes, teaches us our first lessons in Algebra.Our exercise books are taken by him after a test held on the preceding day, and he is now distributing them back to each of us, reading out our names aloud one by one as it is written by our young hands, and passing them to each of us as we stand up.He squints at the cover of an exercise book he holds and reads loudly, “Firoze Fak….fak….fak…” (referring to Firoze Fakhruddin) and isn’t able to comprehend the handwriting to finish announcing the surname. There is a distinctively humorous grunt from the back of the class from our dear Beverly Paul (this guy appears to have been already ‘corrupted’ at that early stage!).“Who was that, come here you bloody cad.” Mr Perera sounds absolutely furious, while the classroom freezes, with silently suppressed anxiety at the same time eager to know the fate of dear Beverly.“What’s your name?” this time furiously.“Paul, sir.”Paul approaches and receives the first resounding slap of the century!“Next time I’ll make you Peter!”Peiter Kriekenbeek gets excited on hearing his name, and is all flustered and tensed, wondering whether he’s next on the block!The slap takes Paul temporarily to high heaven because the impact of the slap is not only tremendous but tragic, disturbing the young psyches of the boys. The noise reverberates across the halls. It is the first welcome signature of discipline at good old Royal College, Colombo.

RCEM 61-Group Classroom Antics - continued

2 Mr EW Rupesinghe -It all began on a bright and beautiful day in the first week of January, 1961, the English Medium guys, now all dressed in white shirt and white long-trousers (as against the short ones worn at RPS), group up for their first geometry class on the Ground+3rd and top floor facing the hostel complex at their new venue in the west wing at Royal College Colombo.In walks Mr EW Rupesinghe alias Ruperty, all spruced up in full white shirt and pants, towering and big made, spine held ramrod straight, wearing black rimmed bottle-end type spectacles, lanky and looking like Al Capone.All the guys are now handling and exploring their tin-boxes of instruments – some with the gold colored Oxford brand priced at Rs 3.50 and others with the light and dark blue colored metal Dreadnought priced at Rs 2.75. Exploring of the items at fits and starts causes a din similar to that of St John’s fish market.Now Ruperty addresses the class like a drill sergeant conducting a guard of honor, and orders the boys, “Take all your hands off the boxes of instruments immediately!” And there suddenly is a lull, with pin drop silence: all hands off the boxes. All hands, except for one smart alec.Fazal Izzadeen who – this trait is prevalent in him even today! – just for one last time reaches out for his brand new Oxford box and ‘adjusts’ a piece in it and closes the box. That was enough!Down comes Ruperty diving like a hawk towards Fazal’s table, snatches the box and, moving over to the series of windows, and flings it out!Three floors down the line the box breezes through. A deafening silence prevails amidst high tension as everyone waits with ears cocked to hear the drop of the box on ground zero!Bang goes the box! Still silence mixed with fear. Fazal, looking all nonplussed and dismayed. And the matter is simply ignored while Ruperty begins the class. After a few minutes, we see Ruperty leaning across the window and crooking his finger at someone on the tarmac, gesturing and marking the point at which the box had been ejected.Five minutes later, while the class is in session, good ole Kadalay, dressed in his usual shirt and sarong, looking quizzical breezes in with the box and gives it to Ruperty. Ruperty returns the box to Fazal and warns him sternly, “Next time it won’t come back!”2.2I believe that in Jan-1961 at Form-1, we had heroes who performed some splendid acts of bravado – according to the standards of that era – and gave us some super thrills in the classroom.We see Ruperty appointing as class monitor none other than – with due respect to him now - Jaldeen!And then we see when Ruperty is teaching us and turned towards the blackboard, Jaldeen, seated in the front row, shooting up from his seat with lightning speed and standing on his form (the term we used to describe a chair then) raising his two arms with fingers stretched and shivering, and, before Ruperty turns to face the class, Jaldeen catapults into his seat! The thrill of that moment perhaps has to be experienced! That was Jaldeen the joker then who transformed the class into a circus.There is one stunning moment while Jaldeen is in the midst of his antic in standing on the form, while Ruperty is writing on the board. We see Ruperty running short of chalk and suddenly without any warning he turns towards his table, now facing the class, picks up a fresh piece of chalk, not noticing Jaldeen transforming into a solid waxwork of Madame Tussaud's Museum on the form, turns back towards the blackboard and continues on whatever he was writing. Although we didn't hear the whiplash of the sound barrier, Jaldeen lands at jet-speed silently onto his seat in a steaming sweat! That was real close!2.3Another prank of Jaldeen, when Ruperty was again writing on the blackboard, is to stand up slowly and take a cool walk through the isles between the desks right down to the rear of the classroom, move along to the far corner and coolly arrive back at his seat.While Jaldeen was on his travels through the isles, and as and when Ruperty turns towards us, Jaldeen does the duck and hides himself, and Ruperty, by some stroke of luck for Jaldeen, doesn’t notice Jaldeen’s vacant seat. And, when Ruperty turns to the board again, Jaldeen moves.There is a hilarious moment when Jaldeen is practising this stunt, and is ducked somewhere far down the isle, when Ruperty has suddenly turned towards us, when one smart guy looks at Jaldeen and, simply to scare the wits out of him, silently threatens him in a feigned show of reporting him to Ruperty! Jaldeen stares at the guy with unbelieving shock and fear! Jaldeen is never betrayed, and is never caught out.2.4One day, while Ruperty is teaching the class, he suddenly checks out Mohamed Noor Deen seated in the front row, by reaching out and grabbing a piece of paper which Mohd Noor is reading furtively positioned under his desk.Ruperty reads out the title of the text in the scrap of paper aloud to the class, “Girl in your Arms! I’m teaching geometry and you are having the girl in your arms!” [This was a popular song, Girl in your Arms, by Elvis Presley]. The class breaks out into laughter. Mohd Noor receives the usual thundering slap. And thereafter the class continues.2.5A few moments later, one guy in a fit of bravado, stealthily slips out of his seat from the third row and moves over to Mohd Noor in the front row while Ruperty faces the blackboard with his back to the hero. In a lightning flash, the hero is whisking his fountain pen at Ruperty like a prestidigitator, and slips back into his seat at lightning speed, leaving the class aghast, witnessing the rear of Ruperty’s white kit all sprayed splendidly with bright blue Quink!.On the following morning, high tension prevails as Ruperty walks in stately and upright like a commanding general on barrack-inspection, but with a look of “I smell shit” on his face.He addresses the boys very calmly but firmly. “Tear a half sheet of paper from your exercise books.” Everyone does so. He takes an empty cardboard box used to store chalk sticks, and says, “Last evening, some one of you has dashed ink on the rear of my dress. I want every one of you to write the name of the boy on the sheet of paper and drop it into this box,” he holds up the chalk box for everyone to see. And then gives the box to the boy in the first row.One smart guy, ……?…………..stands up and asks, “Sir, if we don’t know the name of the boy, what…?”“Shut up and sit down and write the name of the boy,” barks Ruperty, his rising venom audible in his tone, showing a tinge of annoyance.After the box does its rounds, Ruperty takes the box and, while shaking its contents, addresses the boys and warns them in a grim voice, “Unless the boy owns up now, this box will go to the principal. This matter can be settled with me and finished off. But if it goes to the principal, the boy can get into real trouble”There is a moment of indecision which probably lasts a couple of minutes as Ruperty continues to induce the perpetrator to own up.Suddenly, with one outstretched arm, like a jack-in-the-box, up jumps Fazal Izzadeen! That was how the grandfather and grandmother stories thus began to bombard him and his innocent psyche, which may have had an irreversibly adverse impact on his later life!For the next three months, on a daily basis, the class witnesses Ruperty enquiring from Fazal about the new kit he is supposed to give him. And Fazal replying that he reminded his grandfather….. And Ruperty cutting him down with “I don’t want to hear your grandfather and grandmother stories. Get out of the class.” And out goes poor Fazal.After Fazal had owned up, Ruperty had through Fazal requested Fazal’s grandfather to come and meet him. Fazal fortunately was temporarily living with his grandparents home at Maradana, Colombo, since his father, an inspector of police and a strict disciplinarian at that who would brook no nonsense from even his own son, was posted outside Colombo. It was believed that some agreement was reached for Ruperty and Fazal’s GF to be presented with a brand new shirt and trousers.It was later revealed that Ruperty had demanded from Fazal and his grandfather for a white terylene shirt and a pair of sharkskin trousers! Whether these were given or not, Fazal has to tell us now.2.6The Junior School Certificate examination at Form-3 in 1963 is concluded and the results are about to be revealed.In walks Ruperty with the results sheet in his hand. All the guys are seated looking anxious and wary. Ruperty sits down, arranges his results sheet on his table and, in his typical style, arranges himself with both his arms on his desk. There’s pin drop silence while Ruperty makes the first announcement. “Ass Am Ahamad!” And up stands Moine, all anxious and eager to hear the good news.A loud and clear, “Fail,” Ruperty is now looking gleefully at Moine. When Moine instinctively turns back to Chaman to begin a postmortem on the tragic and unbelievable news, Ruperty’s facial expression changes like a traffic light from green through amber to red and, with one outstretched arm, with palm facing Moin, he barks out aloud, “Sit down, don’t talk!”Next, looking more merrier, he announces, “See Jay Amarasekera!” and the class hears a thunderous noise made by Chaman in the second row seated behind Moine, as he rises dashing back his chair which crashes to the floor behind him, and he flinging out to attention. Ruperty, now suddenly turns furious, and orders him, “Put that chair upright immediately and stand up on the form!”After Chaman is on the form, Ruperty announces his result, “Fail, and keep standing on the form.”Chaman on the form seemingly does not show a care in the world! Ruperty sadistically continues announcing his list of failures…..“Fail, sit down don’t talk.”Incidentally, there were some who “passed” and “passed with honors” which results were speedily announced.2.7Fifteen minutes after school closes at 1540-Hrs, three British Leyland double-decker buses painted brick-red, one to Panadura, another to Mt Lavinia and the third to Maharagama, all parked facing the College on Race Course Avenue, begin to slowly move out carrying a sizeable number of students, some hanging on to the footboards for kicks.As the vehicles ply along Reid Avenue and approach Thunmulla Junction just past the point where Reid Avenue meets with Thurstan Road, Ruperty is generally seen standing on the sidewalk waiting for the traffic to ease out in order to cross over to Adam’s Avenue where he lives. Ruperty happens to be here at this point of time owing to having thumbed a lift from a master, probably Teddy Bear………………The volume of the consolidated screams of “Ado Ruperty! Ado Ruperty! Ruperty” from the boys in the three DDs is terrific and tremendous, while Ruperty blindly ignores the honking and very patiently seeks a way to coolly cross the road.2.8When the College bell is hand rung, loud as ever, announcing the tea interval in the morn, while Ruperty is still in the classroom, and the boys get up from their seats and move out slowly, Sam and another guy, probably Rafil or Feizal, do a quick stampede, stepping over one or two chairs and bolting towards the entrance with the intention of reaching the tuck shop on ground zero in the same wing. Ruperty shouts, “Come here you two!” And the guys take the usual thundering slaps, reeling from the impact and temporarily losing their appetite.2.9You may also remember our introduction to Geometry - when Rupets was using the huge wooden blackboard compass and Jaldeen was up to his usual pranks, when Ruperty saw him in the reflection of his huge periscopic glasses, turned round and clouted Jaldeen with the said device.I shall take some time shortly to document Carlindran Mutthiah and the L6th or U6th Botany practicals on a Friday afternoon and the "Tantrum Graph" we started to use to break him out of his bad moods when we had stirred him unmercifully. - Peiter J Kriekenbeek.2.10It was end term and Ruperty [or was this Thamba?] was reading out the marks. and calls out A212, which was for AZIZ and everyone was bemused.!! He is an alpha-numeric guy.

RCEM 61-Group Classroom Antics - continued

3 - Mr Ratnayake - This is 1961. Mr Ratnayake came in at Form-1 to teach us History.Remember, the midget-sized, highly polished and shining nearly-bald pate, kitted in a full cream tussore suit, white shirt, red tie, brown shoes, looking like a member of Adolf Hitler’s Gestapo! “History text book is available at Annzaaaaari’s book depot,” stressing on the ‘z’, and all that kind of thing.Mr Ratnayake wears his quarter-cut spectacles like a pince-nez placed down the tip of his nose, so that he can alternate his reading and inspection of us guys within split seconds.Mr Ratnayake had a habit of dragging his speech when explaining some dry topic on the past history of Ceylon. His famous drag used to be when he pronounced the word “gradually.” He used to say, “The Kandyan kingdom graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadually became weaker and weaker, and the British forces were able to consolidate their position to eventually capture the kingdom.”Now this drag, two of our wise guys had been noting for some time, and they shared this private joke between themselves only. They sat at two ends of the classroom, but whenever Ratnayake mentioned the drag, graaaaaaaaaaaaaaadually, they looked surreptitiously at each other had a good smile J. Clever Ratnayake had noticed this, and one sultry day, while he mentioned that fateful word and did an extra drag on it, “graaaaaaaaaaaaaadually…” his face simultaneously moving steadily like a pendulum in a grandfather clock gone awry, eyes fixing on the two guys sadistically enjoying their private joke, he abruptly stops! The silence is stunning!“You two come here!” he summons both the wise guys towards him. They come with great trepidation. Thundering slaps on both cheeks to each of them, Mazhar and Jawahar. “Keep standing on the form!” Ratnayake warns, “I see you two, while I’m teaching, keep on grinning like monkeys!”3.2To add to the chronicle, there was an occasion when Ratnayake one day asked us to revise our lesson and got busy at his desk looking into something probably very important. As you might remember, on such occasions there was usually pin drop silence. Deciding that revision of lessons was a waste of good time, was it Ifthicar or Rafil, I am not sure, and I decided to play book cricket. To do this I had to turn around and face Ifthicar/Rafil who was sitting directly behind me. Accordingly I did this and thereby presented my back to Ratnayake. I think we played England-Australia and I remember that I was the only guy who used to support the Poms those days and all the rest of you were staunch Aussie. We must have got through about two innings I think when I heard a throaty rasp 'GET UP'. I did so pronto and saw Ratnayake peering at my face over his half-moon glasses from two inches away. I received such a resounding slap that my right ear was ringing for hours and I think I am still a bit deaf on that side. I am not sure whether Ifthicar/ Rafil received the same treatment because I was in a daze for quite a while. – MS Jawahar.

RCEM 61-Group Classroom Antics - continued

4-Brevet Lieut Col. MKJ Cantlay, e.d., JP4.- Mr MKJ Cantlay, or Canto as we called him then in 1961, is a captain in the volunteer force of the Army, and during his tenure was promoted as a major and ended up as a brevet-lieutenant colonel before his retirement from College on 31.03.69, counting a service of over 25-years since his appointment on 13.09.43. He is also Group Scout Master (GSM) of the 42nd Colombo Scout Group of RC.He teaches English and Sinhala Language and Sinhala Literature impeccably. In later years, at the cadet camp in Diyatalawa, Canto, the full-fledged burgher, as Commanding Officer of the 3rd Battalion of the Ceylon Cadet Corps had addressed the entire cantonment over the tannoy in faultless Sinhala!Canto has a problem: what the boys term as the spit-bucket syndrome! Sputum used to spray out like the Dunhinda falls when he used to deliver his lectures in staccato fashion and in loud tones, and the guys in the front row get a spit bath! Jaldeen used to wipe his face intermittently, and look back at us making a joke of the whole scenario.***The memory of Jaldeen, sitting in the front row cowering with his hands over his head to protect himself from the shower of spittle issuing from Canto's mouth as he was addressing the class is an abiding memory for me. I would not have been surprised if he had one day brought an umbrella and used it. Canto of course, was blissfully unaware of Jaldeen's antics literally below his nose. – MS Jawahar.4.2Canto issues instructions in the College Hall, in the presence of the principal and other teachers, addressing a section of the school which is billed to visit the College farm in Narahenpita. Canto starts off in his inimitable loudspeaker tone, “Firstleeeeeeeeeeee you will embus from the eastern wing at nine o’clock and take your seats…” and then he goes on to give details of what is expected of everyone at the farm, and eventually he concludes, … “when you arrive at Narahenpita, you will debus….” Embus and Debus are two new enigmatic terms we learn.4.3On reaching the College farm at Narahenpita, Navroze is hanging on to the bus footboard while the bus is moving at a slow pace, and we see the general in Canto barking into his handheld megaphone, “Asgerally will debus!!!” “Asgerally will debus!!!” The stress is on the ‘r.’ Navroze is stone deaf to this repeated megaphonic instruction, thoroughly enjoying the footboard ride, hanging on to the footboard pole and having a fine time, oblivious to Canto’s repeated command. Navroze is somehow summarily whisked off the bus by some guys and planted in front of Canto who gives him a resounding slap!

5-Mr RIT Alles, is our metal work master in 1961 holed up at the far end of the premises in his separate workshop, adjacent to the hostel. At this point of time in 1961 he is a lieutenant in the volunteer force of the Ceylon Army. If ever there was hell to be experienced, it was here. Charrier’s Devil’s Island in French Guiana from where Papillon escaped comes to mind.If RITA had worn the black uniform of Reichsfuehrer-SS Heinrich Himmler, he’d have completed the picture then. Today when an old boy especially in our batch, bumps into RITA, it’s literally comparable with a Holocaust victim confronting an ex-Nazi criminal on the run!His famous term after an instruction is, “Is that kwite klear!” Resoundingly stressing on the Ks from the bottom of this throat for greater impact and emphasis.RITA summons the boys to the blackboard and is explaining on how we should measure out the metal piece given to each of us has to be cut. He teaches us on how to measure the area of the metal piece. We are about to start listening to his instructions on how to make a ‘biscuit cutter.’ It is used to cut out the dough to make patties.RITA is now explaining on how to compute the area. “The area of this piece is this length into this breadth, The area of this piece is this length into this breadth.” For Balachandran’s bad luck that day, Balachandran begins to echo what Alles is telling us! A deafening silence follows, as Alles abruptly stops. He stares down at Balachandran, and the boys, like Tolkien’s trolls exposed to sunlight, turn into stone!“What’s your name/” he barks in military fashion, looking all mean and wicked like a bad cowboy from a Dollar series movie.“Balachandran, sir.”“Don’t try your thuppahi part here, okay! That you can do in Jaffna! You bloody well learn to behave!” It was ninety degrees in the shade.Balachandran, notwithstanding being an Indian citizen, narrowly escapes near-annihilation!5.2RITA is late to attend our metal work shop one day. Sam and Santhakumar alias Kutty, the dwarf-like Tamil medium guy, are playing darts with their respective scribes in the metal work shop. The ‘misconduct’ is observed by RITA’s spy-peon, Sediris, and reported accordingly to him when he arrives late. Sam and Kutty are summoned to RITA’s office and are thrashed with cane to high heaven on their young posteriors!5.3I also like to recollect the incidence that occurred in R.T.Alles's metal workshop class when Mackbul dropped the steel precission ruler. R.T. came gunning for him & I felt sorry for the fellow. I stood up for him & told R.T. that 'I did it Sir', expecting a thundering slap which I was ready to duck. Alles chose to do otherwise. Calling me 'Thumpanaya' the shit whacked me across my buttocks with the steel ruler. I could not sit for 2 days. In return, Mackbul got hammered by me after school. – Moine Ahamed.5.4The class is without a master and RITA passes by. The din emanating is conspicuous and RITA is forced to breeze in. Some of the guys have taken a stroll out, and unfortunately, MR Perera and another guy happen to return and bump into RITA.“Why have you two been outside the classroom?”“Went to the bathroom, sir.” MR Perera answers boldly.“Ah! You had a baaaaaaaaathroom feeling! Don’t try to teach your grandmother to suck eggs!” The “ck” in the word “suck” was distinctly stressed from somewhere deep down the throat. “Get in and sit down!”

RCEM 61-Group Classroom Antics - continued

6 -Mr CE Belleth the physics master who also taught mathematics and applied mathematics, is an old boy who played for College. He is a pillar of the College, having taught Sam’s father, MT Sameer, who was a Boake House prefect in the 1930s. CEB is the epitome of the typical top-flight burgher of the upper echelons in public service, all dressed up in coat and tie, polite disposition, speaking the Queen’s English and that kind of thing.His first act is to re-arrange the classroom, and make each of us to sit in alphabetic order of our surnames. Then he makes each of us to stand up one by one and announce one’s name. MF Lye gets his turn, stands up, says, “Em Ef Lye,” and sits down.“I beg your pardon?” CEB looks humorous.“Em Ef Lye, sir.”“Come again.”“Em Ef Lye, sir.”CEB has a look of amusing confusion on his fair fart face. “You know how I can hear it?” CEB responds. Everyone is anxious to know.“I can hear it as ‘I can fly’!”The class breaks into fits of laughter.6.2It was the first week of August, 1964. Form-4 English Medium class in the new building at RC.Old man CEB, the physics teacher, trudges into the classroom, dressed in his spruce confection comprising of his usually well-laundered cream tussore suit, white polyester shirt, red tie, brown leather shoes and socks to match, all shaven but unusually looking depressed.Chaman Amarasekera, catapults from his chair and announces in his usual stentorian voice, “Sir, Jim Reeves is dead! Jim Reeves is dead!” A slightly sadistic tone, since he is aware CEB revered Gentleman Jim.Chaman is referring to the crooner from Galloway, Texas, who at age 40 crashed in a small aircraft he was piloting during a thunderstorm near Nashville, Tennessee, killing him and his business partner and manager, Dean Manuel, on 31 July, 1964.CEB looks ruefully at Chaman and responds, “Queen Anne is dead, Amarasekera” and with a know-it-all look observes the classroom of clueless-looking faces.“I said Queen Anne is dead, and you boys don’t seem to understand,” he adds smilingly.“What does that mean, Sir?” Amarasekera intervenes.“Amarasekera, everyone knows that Queen Anne of Great Britain [1665-1714] is dead! It means that what you told me just know is stale news! Something which one already knows!” CEB turns to the black board, smiling to himself and exuding a feeling of having got one over Chaman and the class, but he’s in for a shock.“Today, we will revise on what I did last week,” CEB makes an illustration on the board. He explains the drawing on the subject of light and says, “The angle of incidence is equal to the angle of reflection.” Suddenly there is the noise of a chair being thrown back, and Amarasekera shoots up from his chair, “Sir, sir, Queen Anne is dead! Queen Anne is dead!”CEB smiles looks at him quizzically, “Yes, Amarasekera, I’m glad you understood the idiom.” And he turns to the board and continues to explain. “The distance of an object from a mirror is equal to the distance of its image from that mirror,” and there goes Amarasekera once again jumping out of his chair like a sky-rocket, proclaiming loudly, “Sir Queen Anne is dead, Queen Anne is dead.”Belleth goes blonkers and turns tomato red. “That’s enough Amarasekera, the joke is going too far, Shut up and sit down and stop it!”“Queen Anne is dead sir! Queen Anne is dead!” Amarasekera goes on as if to prove his point. And Belleth is on top gear, fighting hard not to explode and put a stop to this misfit! Chaman has his day!6.3CEB is taking his class in the new building. It’s probably towards the latter half of 1964 during the Hon Mrs Sirimavo Bandaranaike’s rule which came to a crash after 14-SLFP MPP crossed over from her government benches on 03.12.1964. But this incident occurred before that tragedy.The PM’s son, AB, one year senior to us, appears at the entrance to the door.“Yes?” CEB looks at AB.“Chair, sir,” Says AB, pointing at a vacant one inside the classroom.CEB feigns surprise, and tells him, “Yes. I know that’s a chair,” pointing to one.“Can I take a chair, sir?”“I know you can, but you may not.” quips CEB, indirectly attempting to make AB correct himself on the precise use of language. It was a teaching process which the class was used to, and all the guys with all-knowing looks, were now grinning like Sunday schoolboys at each other.AB now looks flustered and embarrassed.“Please go and ask Mackeen how you should address me.”AB enters the classroom and approaches Mackeen, who whispers into his ear.AB strides back to the entrance and faces CEB, “Please, may I take a chair, sir?”“Yes you may!” responds CEB smiling.AB moves in to the classroom, picks up a vacant chair, and begins to move out. While leaving the entrance, he is once again stopped by CEB, “Stop, young man. You forgot to tell me something.” AB is again at sixes and sevens.“Back to Mackeen please.” AB is back to Mackeen, this time carrying the chair, and Mackeen whispers to him once again.AB gets back to the entrance and says, “Thank you, sir,”“You’re welcome, and remember to return the chair after you finish using it.”It was decidedly one of CEB’s fascinating and fine lessons in usage of the Queen’s English.A similar incident occurs some weeks later when some guy comes in for a chair, and this time CEB directs him to the studious Hamish Woutersz to do the honors.6.4One day CEB advised the class to make it a habit to always ask oneself, “I think I can,” before embarking on any venture. He advises, “That kind of positive mindset is the path to success.”The following day, the blackboard carried a verse thus:I think I can’t,I thought I couldn’tI know I wouldn’tI guess I shouldn’t!”A lugubrious look on CEB as he reads the negative adages. The handwriting on the board was unmistakably and inevitably CJA’s!6.5The location is the physics laboratory in the new building sometime in 1965. CEB is conducting the RCEM ’61-Group class. He makes a few illustrations on the board and explains the experiment the boys will have to conduct.After the explanation on the proposed experiment is over, the boys, in some five or six to a group seated at various points across the large tables, set up their respective equipment and commence their experiment which includes the heating of water in a beaker on a stand via a Bunsen Burner to boiling point at 100-degrees Celsius.With the protracted passage of time, every group is completing its task while CEB begins his round of inspection, moving from table to table.Some wise guy checks out A-group and finds them struggling with the thermometer which is registering some 37-degrees Celsius (equal to 98.4-degrees on the Fahrenheit scale) while the water is boiling to high heaven! At that historical moment, A-group’s discovery appears to be imminently threatening to disprove Swedish astronomer Anders Celsius’s theory applied by scientists since year 1742!The wise guy tips off guys in other groups about A-group’s epoch-making discovery! Other group leaders respectfully pay a casual visit to A-group and, after realizing what the real problem is and without conveying their observation to A-group, advise them to achieve the required temperature by continuing to stir the water faster! This they do with gusto but to no avail. No change in temperature which remains at normal human temperature. They wonder whether the thermometer is malfunctioning. Or perhaps something was wrong with the degree of heat emanating from the Bunsen Burner. All the groups watch CEB’s approach to A-group group with a degree of sadistic glee!“Sir, temperature is not reaching 100-degrees?” Group-A leader MM Refai asserts with righteous indignation.“Where, let’s see,” CEB moves in to inspect the device.Suddenly we hear, “Refai! How the hell are you holding that thermometer! It’s upside down!”And there’s loud laughter which reverberates around the lab, while Munam Refai grins like a Cheshire cat, and switches sides of the thermometer and the temperature immediately hits a hundred degrees!***Forty years later sometime in late 2005, an incisive postmortem analysis is conducted on this memorable event by a group of ten whiz-kids at a sumptuous luncheon at the Eastern Dragon restaurant in Colombo-3, hosted by Omar Kamil (who incidentally was conferred with an honorary Ph.D. (P.S.) from the Open International University of Sri Lanka) as reported in the Daily Mirror of 11-Dec-03, on his return after concluding his nearly 3-year stint as Ambassador Extraordinary & Plenipotentiary of Sri Lanka to Iran, Azerbaijan and Kazakhstan.During this grand reunion, Imtiaz Hamid came out with the arguably brilliant theory that Group-A was probably following the diagram drawn by CEB to the last detail, which, to a bizarre extent, is possibly true!One now sees that CEB had drawn the thermometer as a straight tube with a small circle at the bottom to indicate the mercury bulb. However, in practical terms, the thermometer is a long straight one upto and including the mercury section which does not have a bulge at the bottom. Now, at the top of the thermometer, there is a small circular glass contraption with a hole to enable the thermometer to be hung on a nail attached to a wall or the inside of a cupboard. The conclusion was that Group-A may have adhered strictly but strangely by the diagram!6.6CEB’s daily habit before he commences teaching us used to be to order the laboratory assistant to fetch him a glass tumbler of water at ambient temperature to quench his thirst.One fine day, the lab assistant was not available, and CEB requests Refai to do the chore. As Refai leaves the classroom he passes Mazhar Ghouse who prompts him silently.After a few minutes when the class is in progress, in walks Refai with water in a laboratory beaker!“Refai! Are you out of your wits, bringing me water in a beaker, Hein! Take it away immediately and bring me a decent glass tumbler of water!”Refai feigns surprise that there’s something amiss, and, stretching out his arm, offers the beaker to CEB whose expression transforms into one of distaste. “Out with it, Refai!” And Refai departs, smiling furtively at the boys.The class continues, and after a few moments in breezes Refai, this time carrying a glass tumbler with water supported by a saucer, but with solid ice floating in the water.“Refai! Who wanted ice?” CEB removes them, cube by cube, disposing them into the wicker wastepaper basket in the corner of the classroom. Refai sports a plastic smile, taking his seat, amidst the mild background of whispered classroom banter, having had his day!6.7CEB is reading some notice aloud and finally concludes with the abbreviation N.B. at the bottom with a brief statement against it.“Anyone knows what N.B. stands for?” CEB addresses the class.“Notice board, sir,” Jaldeen quips.“Wrong.” CEB looks thrilled, and the class has a great laugh.“Note below.” Chaman this time.“Out.” CEB looks even more pleased amidst continuing laughter. “Any more guesses,” CEB looks about the class. Everyone is quiet.“Okay, N.B. stands for nota bene (both ‘e’s pronounced as in establishment) in Latin and means note well. Got that?” CEB concludes with his inimitable smile. One more a vital lesson in proper usage of the Queen’s English.

RCEM 61-Group Classroom Antics - continued

7-Mr HC Arulanandan, There was a day when Mr HC Arulanandan caught some boys ‘cutting’ school. He encouraged the boys to ‘escape,’ and assured them convincingly that he wouldn’t report the matter and that he’d cover up. “Go on boyssss,” he encouraged and the guys fled with delight.The next morning, Arul is with the principal in the principal’s office, looking all heroic, and grinning evilly, while the offenders are summoned and caned one by one for their misconduct! From that day, Arul earned the nom-de-plume of Cut Throat, which later abbreviated to Throat with a guttural R!7.2This is Arul’s maths class. Arul is the chemistry master, but a maestro in Maths too.Arul has this set habit of addressing the class at every turn as, “Now boysss,” or “Now gentlemen,” apparently in a show of kindness but his hawk eyes were like gun barrels trained on every boy, and looking for some streak of a failing to warrant severe punishment.Arul takes one full period to explain, using neat diagrams using a variety of colored chalk, just one stocks and shares problem which could be solved in three different ways, to the class. He tells the class that that is all that is to be learned about stocks and shares. And it was true. He did this later for the sure GCE problem on graphs, in just one sum, lining up all the ten or twelve possible questions which could be asked.During one such session Arul cracks a mild joke and the class collectively begins to laugh mildly but there is a distinctive high-decibel voice, very audible within the chorus of laughter, screaming, “Throat!” And the laughter continues and the resonance gradually declines, and Arul’s disposition, smiling and never changing for one iota of a second, the plastic smile still in place but evidently his brain registering the veiled scream, and his strategy now being devised inside his sharp brain.After the laughter diminishes into a forlorn fadeout, Arul very mildly addresses the class, “Now boysss, will the boy who screamed out please admit like an honorable gentleman?” Probably awaiting for some high commendation for owning up, up shoots Jaldeen like a sky rocket during Christmas with raised arm, all relaxed, anxious and smiling.“Get out of the class!” Screams Arul suddenly looking like Hannibal Lecter! And Jaldeen disappears out of the classroom like summer lightning! The Cut Throat at his best!

8- Lab-Boy, Dabare,The chemical store room opposite the twin laboratories is situated on ground zero in the east wing. The two timber doors of the chemical room have a contraption on the outside where a small piece of timber is nailed to rotate so as to temporarily lock the two doors loosely. The storekeeper in charge is Dabare, short and middle-aged with mustache, all dressed up in white shirt, tussore coat and sarong with black belt, and seeming to be tough-looking.Guys leaving the chemistry lab spot Dabare, also called Lab-Boy to his utter disgust, inside the chemicals store. A smart guy quietly but quickly shuts the sole open door and fixes the wooden contraption within a hundredth of a second and disappears with the group. Repeated pushing of the door from the inside eventually would have opened the door. But the shock and humiliation and mental trauma of being temporarily locked up would have decidedly affected Dabare’s already impaired psyche profoundly.At next morning’s class in the lab under Mr Muttiah, Dabare crashes in like a bull in a china shop, raging mad and screaming like a maniac, “I’ll kill the buggers, I’ll kill the buggers!” reacting from his trauma! And he has to be cooled down by the chemistry master Mr Muttiah, while suddenly there’s a shout of “Lab-Boy!” from one of the guys, infuriating and exploding Dabare once again to high heaven! “I’ll kill the buggers! I’ll kill the buggers!” And he is quietly escorted by Mr Muttiah out of the lab.8.2Then one remembers the shock and tragedy Fazal Izzadeen receives when everyone screams in one voice, “Lab-boy!” while leaving the lab and moving past Cut Throat Arul’s room. Poor Fazal takes a deep breath and makes that last scream, while Cut Throat Arul is standing there, rigid as a statue, just behind the door of his room, six inches away from Fazal, like an apparition from Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho! Everyone sees him except Fazal, and it’s just too late to warn Fazal who has already let go his wailing shout! Fazal is taken in by his shirt front and given a finely thundering slap shattering the living daylights!

RCEM 61-Group Classroom Antics - continued

9 - Mr MT Thambapillai, the master in charge of rugger, a heart patient, an elderly man. speaking in a slow, steady echoing voice, brilliant in his maths and applied maths. Mr V Arasaratnam, the Maths wizard, was thought to consult Thamba when Arasa used to rarely get stuck.Thamba instructs each boy to stand up and announce his name. The boys, each one stands up announces his name and sits down. When it comes to Sarani (now Zarani), who has a stammer, Fazal, (who used to be always ordered by CEB in his classes to “help him”) jumps up by habit and announces, “Sarani,” and sits down. Thamba is at his element, and asks Fazal, “What the hell. Are you Sarani?”“No, sir,” replies Fazal.“What is your name?” Thamba addresses Fazal.“Izzadeen, sir.”“Then why the hell did you give a false name?”“No, sir…”“Shut up and stand up on the form. A thousand lines, ‘I shall not talk out of turn’.” And Fazal is up on the form in a flash, all flustered and bewildered.The boys in the class explain to Thamba the real position and put matters right.“Why the hell didn’t you tell me that he had a problem?” addressing Fazal, “Sit down, you son of a sea cook.”Fazal takes his seat feeling all mad.9.2Thamba works out one maths problem and then generally lazes out by reading a novel, or instructs the class to work out the rest of the exercises in the text book and slinks out of the classroom.One day he places his bookmark inside the novel he is reading, strictly admonishes the boys in his baritone voice not to make a noise, and to work out the sums he has ticked off from the text book, and leaves the classroom.Chaman slinks out of his seat, moves on tiptoes upto the platform on to Thamba’s table, picks out the novel with three fingers, all in dramatic fashion, to the hilarity of the class not knowing what Chaman is really upto. Then he waves the book about so brazenly (imagine Thamba walking into the classroom at that moment!) and then picks the last page out and dramatically tears it off the book to the amazement of the boys. He then replaces the book on the table. Now, he takes the page in his hands and, to the horrific amazement of the boys, tears it to bits and throws the pieces into the wicker waste-paper basket which is placed in the ample space of the triangular enclosure between the large glass-paneled door and the edge of the two walls of the classroom at the front. Chaman slips back to his seat amidst terrible background laughter! This was high drama at its hilt outside the Lionel Wendt!On the following morn, Thamba arrives at the classroom. He tells the boys calmly in his inimitable voice, “Some bugger had torn the last page of my novel.”“Not I, sir. Not I, sir!” Chaman jumps up and protests out of his chair.“Maybe it’s you, Amarasekera, you son of a sea-cook.”“Sir, I like to be a son of a sea cook!” declares Amarasekera. “I like to be a son of a sea cook!”“Bloody hell, stand up Amarasekera. Get out and take that waste-paper basket and place it on your head, face the wall and stand there behind the door,”Chaman does as he is told and stands facing the wall with the wastepaper basket perched on his head.Thamba looks at him and tells him, “What is in that wastepaper basket is what is inside your head.” Thamba begins to teach the class, as Chaman intermittently does a light tango with the basket on his pate.

10- Mr Rajendran:used to have a problem in his speech when addressing the class or when dictating notes. He used to have this repeated “er” problem voiced within words in a sentence whenever he spoke.He is dictating to the class one day, and are taking down notes. He then dictates, “Lavoisier heater er tin…”Michael Walpola interrupts in a serious tone, “Sir, is it er tin or tin.” The boys stifle their amusement, awaiting to hear the explosion!“If you don’t know the difference between er tin and tin, you should be thrown out of this class!” Rajendran at high pitch, clearly understanding Mike’s honck. The dictation continues…

11- Mr Canagaratne, is the master to whom we used to approach to obtain an exeat chit to leave school on an emergency.One day Omar’s trouser tears at its rear, and he goes over to Canage and gets an exeat to go home to change his pants. While walking along the corridor preparing to leave the College premises, Omar bumps into non other than that rascal, Chaman Amarasekera!Chaman is keen to know what, when, where why and how is Omar’s present status in moving towards the gate. Omar explains the story to him. To Chaman’s ear, that’s manna!In goes Chaman like an arrow to Canage’s room, “Sir, sir, I need an exeat chit to go home!”“Why, what’s the problem?” Canage enquires with suspicion.“I tore my trouser at the back, sir.”“Where, let’s see?”“Chee chee chee, sir, can’t show sir! Can’t show!” embarrassing Canage to the hilt, and who immediately writes out the exeat and sends Chaman torpedoing towards the gate.11.2Incidentally, on the subject of exeats, to the great relief of the boys, there is one expert in Lee Samad who is able to forge Canage’s signature, equivalent to a carbon copy, on a blank exeat in exchange for a short treat at interval time in the tuck shop! – Navroze Asgerally.

RCEM 61-Group Classroom Antics - continued

12- Mr Attanayake teaches us history in Form-2. He went on to teach the Sinhala medium guys thereafter. We experience a terrible encounter with this bloke at Form-5.One day, our chemistry master, Mr Rajendran, gets late to come to class, and the class is naturally a mayhem of noise, similar to a carnival.Attanayake is teaching the Sinhala medium guys in the adjacent classroom. He comes over to us quietly and warns us to be absolutely quiet until our master arrives. The class falls deadly silent because everyone knows Attanayake is a no-nonsense type and could turn out maniacal.After he leaves, the class noise once again begins to increase in tempo, and within ten minutes it is once again a scream. And then we witness one of those dastardly high powered wild west scenes Sergio Leone would have been jealous of, and ever to have been enacted at good ole RC!Attanayake comes storming into the class like an elephant in heat and starts lambasting, slapping, hitting every boy in the class, row after row… He dashes down the rows and comes up taking us one by one, hammering the boys to the hilt, using his clenched hands, arms, palms and all. Mazhar Ghouse, who wears spectacles and sitting at the far end, patiently removes his spectacles and awaits the impending calamity, looking like a man on death row. When it arrives he takes it graciously, and fixes his spectacles back to its original place.After he has finished with his massacre, we see Attanayake addressing the class in full fury, hotly panting away breathlessly like he had just completed the marathon, warning the boys and ordering everyone to stand up on the form. When everyone is up. He barks, “Sit down!” When every one sits down. He barks, “Stand up on the form.” And this drama goes on and on.After the guys stand up on the form for the first time and after they are ordered to sit, Rifky Mackeen, in the second row, dressed in full spotless white, takes out his clean handkerchief and wipes the chair before sitting on it. Then, when the order to stand up on the form is again heard, he once again climbs up. Then when the boys are told to sit down, he once again pulls out his handkerchief and begins to dust his seat, sporting a look of annoyance. Mac’s discomfiture amuses Sam sitting in front of him at the first row, and Sam standing there looks sympathetically at Mac and smiles. That was enough fuel for raving mad Attanayake. Attanayake slaps Sam in machinegun style, non-stop, staccato, some of which Sam fends off with his hands. Then, in breezes Mr Rajendran, and Attanayake exits complaining illegibly in a huff.

13- Mrs Samarasekera -When old lady, Mrs Samarasekera walks into the class to speak with the class master, the boys collectively begin an unending hiss, to which Mrs Samarasekera reacts wickedly, “Don’t you have mothers at home!” And everything goes silent!

14 - Mr EFC Pereira - When Mr EFC Pereira walks into the class to speak with the class master, the boys collectively begin an unending hiss, to which Mr Pereira reacts, “To call you all sons of bitches is an insult to the dog!”And everything goes quiet!

15- Mr V Arasaratnam, the no-nonsense-type, who breezes into class on time and leaves it on time, takes our advanced maths class.One day, a group of guys, which included Omar, Sam and Fi, took its time to come in to class. The guys used to visit Royal Primary School premises during the milk interval and sip their chocolate or vanilla flavored milk at the milk board shop, and generally used to take it easy.When the boys looking guilty slink into class, there is Arasa, already finishing his chore of wiping the board “Hey man, why are you late!”Firoze instantly replies, “Wristwatch is running five minutes fast, sir.” Too late to realize he meant too slow!“That’s all the more the reason you should be here earlier,” quips Arasa, his mathematical mind working like lightning, and preparing to start his work.15.2Arasa has this habit of sliding his palm along the flat timber stair-railing as he climbs us or descends the stairs. Our guy, Chaman, used to spit along a stretch of the stair railing at various points before Arasa used to approach the stairwell! And there goes Arasa sliding his palm…!15.3Arasa is taking our pure Maths. He has the habit of cleaning the entire blackboard even if it is clean and nothing is written on it, immediately after he enters the classroom.One day, we see Chaman Amarasekera spitting at various points on the blackboard before Arasa’s arrival!“Hey man, who has done this,” Arasa queries in his subdued voice and blinks at everyone, before cleaning the stuff with a piece of newspaper to the glee of Chaman.

16- Mr Bogoda Premaratne, was vice principal and then later on was the principal. He takes Sinhala as a subject to teach the EM guys. He appoints Mazhar Ghouse as the monitor. Mazhar sits in the front row facing him. Mr Premaratne possesses a non-violent and peaceful temperament to the extent that, even if he feigns to be tough and strict, there is always a streak of love in his interactions with us. This magnanimous quality is even prevalent in his psyche today.There is a period of Sinhala he takes with us. While addressing the class, he unconsciously places his hands on Mazhar’s desk, which has the usual hole on its top right hand corner to accommodate the ink bottle in bygone days of the British Raj. Mr Premaratne’s index finger automatically disappears into that hole, and Mazhar reaches underneath his desk and catches it as quick as lightning and doesn’t let go! Mr Premaratne without distracting the attention of the class strains to extract his finger but Mazhar holds tight. Without drawing attention to the class, he silently but firmly orders Mazhar to let go, but Mazhar holds on. Mr Premaratne realizes that his attempts at retrieving his finger have failed and now loudly demands from Mazhar, “Ghouse let go of my finger! And the class breaks out into loud laughter! And Mazhar lets it go.16.2Another day, we see Mr Premaratne entering our class, this time with a thick cane and looking all serious. The class breaks out into mild fits of laughter seeing this sight. It is like Mahathma Gandhi brandishing a sword!He places the cane on his desk. As soon as he turns towards the blackboard to write some stuff, Mazhar quietly picks up the cane and passes it to the guy seated behind him. And it swiftly travels by hand down the line to the guy at the end, while Mr Premaratne is still facing the board.Mr Premaratne does not notice the disappearance of the cane, and continues teaching.There comes a time when one of the guys makes some prank and annoys Mr Premaratne, who instinctively reaches out for the cane and finds, to his consternation, it has vanished!Suddenly, Chaman or was it Wijekoon, at the far end of the class, whips out the cane and repeatedly hammers it on his desk to the hilarious laughter of the class, and Bogoda looking all nonplussed and finally smiling, orders Mazhar, his monitor, to retrieve it.16.3This is a time when Bogoda is principal and is seated in his ornate office. He is busy talking seriously to some person seated opposite him. Mazhar walks in brazenly with a couple of the boys, places both his hands on the principal’s desk and addresses him, “Sir, there are UNICEF cards for the deaf and blind available for sale. Are you interested in buying them?”Bogoda looks up at him with raised eyebrows and a forced looked of inimical officialdom and, with a show of affected authority, tells him, “Get out of my office before I make all of you deaf and blind!” And Mazhar and the boys disappear.

RCEM 61-Group Classroom Antics- continued

17- Mr Silva is called Kota Silva because he is very small made, extremely short and resembles a student when he is surrounded by students. However, in order to show that he is a master, he wears long sleeved white shirts. But, many a time, students mistake him for another boy and even ignore him on the corridors and sometimes unconsciously brush past him, and this considerably disturbs Kota Silva who is suffering from a low self-worth complex.During the interval, students used to hang about outside the library where the newspaper stands are placed. Boys stand and read the newspapers along a line. The corridor along this place becomes a bit narrow because guys are standing while reading the newspapers.Now, Kota Silva used to stand and read the newspapers beside the boys standing alongside him reading their newspapers. When guys who walk the corridor mistakenly brush past Kota Silva, World War III begins!We see Kota Silva in his element flailing out his arms and slapping the boys who brush past him, taking them all by utter surprise and shock! After the guys get this treatment, trying hard to realize why they were assaulted, they get to a side and watch, as realization dawns on them. Then it becomes a sport in watching other victims falling prey to Kota Silva. Other probable victims are watched by the guys who have had the treatment as they come along the corridor, some missing Kota Silva by a centimeter and escaping an assault! Sam is a victim and gets the shock of his life when he sees Kota Silva pounding at him in all fury!17.2There comes a day when a group of guys which includes Sam spot Kota Silva at the far end of the corridor and start to scream, “Ado Kota Silva! Ado Kota Silva!” And in comes Kota Silva bounding at us like a jackal, and the boys take off like hounded deer in the woods towards the hostel and through Royal Primary School premises via the far end gate near its grounds and do the vanishing trick!

18 - Jayasinghe, Peon , this guy Jayasinghe is the peon at the principal’s office. He looks like Cassius, all lean and hungry, scheming to kill Caesar. Dark, gaunt and cadaverous, graying hair, in shirt and sarong and belt. A top graft man! Waiting to make a fast buck from the boys in exchange for ‘taboo’ information which is much sought after by the boys to their advantage. Sort of a low grade espionage type or even a mafia-type soldato! Jayasinghe is the office mole.One time when the boys are coming in to get their leaving certs, they are requested to state their results at the Junior School Certificate exam. Jayasinghe had, for a reasonable fee, tipped off the boys in advance that the JSC results sheets had been destroyed by white ants! The teachers, who assumed that the boys didn’t know about the fate of the results sheets, are now playing it by ear, requesting the boys to come out with their results. All the guys confidently put “passed with honors” in their submissions!18.2This guy Jayasinghe one day bumps into Sam on the corridor, and, as is usual leans towards Sam at an angle of 30-degrees from the vertical, breathing heavily, like an asthma patient in the ICU, into Sam’s shirt pocket, which strangely isn’t opening out! The well laundered shirt is extra starched and the pocket refuses to open! Jayasinghe continues to hiss harder like a prairie rattlesnake, while being amusedly watched by Sam. That used to be Jayasinghe’s tactic, to ascertain the availability and amount of cash, before he strikes a deal!

19- Mr Amarasinghe - takes geography. He is also a musician and is in charge of the College band.One day he overhears Abdul Raoof Moosa calling Navroze as a cabbage.“What was that you called him?”“Cabbage, sir”“What does that mean?”“A friend, sir.”“Friend! Keep standing on the form!” And Abdul spent almost half the period on the form.– Navroze Asgerally.

20 -Major A Rathnathicam - an Army volunteer force member, for some reason Major Rathnathicam was supervising our class.Suddenly we hear someone repeating at intervals, “Ouch!...” “Ouch!...” “Ouch!...”“Who the hell is ouchinng there?” Mr Rathnathicam enquires, and Fazal puts his hand up.“What’s your name?”“Izzadeen, sir.”“What’s your problem?”“Someone threw a galsiyambala seed on me, sir!”“So, you are ouching for that?”“Yes, sir.”“What does your father do?”Fazal now proudly announces with a swank, “He’s a police officer, sir.”“Then why don’t you become a police dog and do some detective work?”***Fazal says that he had bumped into Rat in recent years and related the incident, which Rat simply could not believe he had said such a thing. And he had hugged Fazal with luv. That was great of Rat., such an honorable a man.