RCEM 61-Group Classroom Antics - continued

4-Brevet Lieut Col. MKJ Cantlay, e.d., JP4.- Mr MKJ Cantlay, or Canto as we called him then in 1961, is a captain in the volunteer force of the Army, and during his tenure was promoted as a major and ended up as a brevet-lieutenant colonel before his retirement from College on 31.03.69, counting a service of over 25-years since his appointment on 13.09.43. He is also Group Scout Master (GSM) of the 42nd Colombo Scout Group of RC.He teaches English and Sinhala Language and Sinhala Literature impeccably. In later years, at the cadet camp in Diyatalawa, Canto, the full-fledged burgher, as Commanding Officer of the 3rd Battalion of the Ceylon Cadet Corps had addressed the entire cantonment over the tannoy in faultless Sinhala!Canto has a problem: what the boys term as the spit-bucket syndrome! Sputum used to spray out like the Dunhinda falls when he used to deliver his lectures in staccato fashion and in loud tones, and the guys in the front row get a spit bath! Jaldeen used to wipe his face intermittently, and look back at us making a joke of the whole scenario.***The memory of Jaldeen, sitting in the front row cowering with his hands over his head to protect himself from the shower of spittle issuing from Canto's mouth as he was addressing the class is an abiding memory for me. I would not have been surprised if he had one day brought an umbrella and used it. Canto of course, was blissfully unaware of Jaldeen's antics literally below his nose. – MS Jawahar.4.2Canto issues instructions in the College Hall, in the presence of the principal and other teachers, addressing a section of the school which is billed to visit the College farm in Narahenpita. Canto starts off in his inimitable loudspeaker tone, “Firstleeeeeeeeeeee you will embus from the eastern wing at nine o’clock and take your seats…” and then he goes on to give details of what is expected of everyone at the farm, and eventually he concludes, … “when you arrive at Narahenpita, you will debus….” Embus and Debus are two new enigmatic terms we learn.4.3On reaching the College farm at Narahenpita, Navroze is hanging on to the bus footboard while the bus is moving at a slow pace, and we see the general in Canto barking into his handheld megaphone, “Asgerally will debus!!!” “Asgerally will debus!!!” The stress is on the ‘r.’ Navroze is stone deaf to this repeated megaphonic instruction, thoroughly enjoying the footboard ride, hanging on to the footboard pole and having a fine time, oblivious to Canto’s repeated command. Navroze is somehow summarily whisked off the bus by some guys and planted in front of Canto who gives him a resounding slap!

5-Mr RIT Alles, is our metal work master in 1961 holed up at the far end of the premises in his separate workshop, adjacent to the hostel. At this point of time in 1961 he is a lieutenant in the volunteer force of the Ceylon Army. If ever there was hell to be experienced, it was here. Charrier’s Devil’s Island in French Guiana from where Papillon escaped comes to mind.If RITA had worn the black uniform of Reichsfuehrer-SS Heinrich Himmler, he’d have completed the picture then. Today when an old boy especially in our batch, bumps into RITA, it’s literally comparable with a Holocaust victim confronting an ex-Nazi criminal on the run!His famous term after an instruction is, “Is that kwite klear!” Resoundingly stressing on the Ks from the bottom of this throat for greater impact and emphasis.RITA summons the boys to the blackboard and is explaining on how we should measure out the metal piece given to each of us has to be cut. He teaches us on how to measure the area of the metal piece. We are about to start listening to his instructions on how to make a ‘biscuit cutter.’ It is used to cut out the dough to make patties.RITA is now explaining on how to compute the area. “The area of this piece is this length into this breadth, The area of this piece is this length into this breadth.” For Balachandran’s bad luck that day, Balachandran begins to echo what Alles is telling us! A deafening silence follows, as Alles abruptly stops. He stares down at Balachandran, and the boys, like Tolkien’s trolls exposed to sunlight, turn into stone!“What’s your name/” he barks in military fashion, looking all mean and wicked like a bad cowboy from a Dollar series movie.“Balachandran, sir.”“Don’t try your thuppahi part here, okay! That you can do in Jaffna! You bloody well learn to behave!” It was ninety degrees in the shade.Balachandran, notwithstanding being an Indian citizen, narrowly escapes near-annihilation!5.2RITA is late to attend our metal work shop one day. Sam and Santhakumar alias Kutty, the dwarf-like Tamil medium guy, are playing darts with their respective scribes in the metal work shop. The ‘misconduct’ is observed by RITA’s spy-peon, Sediris, and reported accordingly to him when he arrives late. Sam and Kutty are summoned to RITA’s office and are thrashed with cane to high heaven on their young posteriors!5.3I also like to recollect the incidence that occurred in R.T.Alles's metal workshop class when Mackbul dropped the steel precission ruler. R.T. came gunning for him & I felt sorry for the fellow. I stood up for him & told R.T. that 'I did it Sir', expecting a thundering slap which I was ready to duck. Alles chose to do otherwise. Calling me 'Thumpanaya' the shit whacked me across my buttocks with the steel ruler. I could not sit for 2 days. In return, Mackbul got hammered by me after school. – Moine Ahamed.5.4The class is without a master and RITA passes by. The din emanating is conspicuous and RITA is forced to breeze in. Some of the guys have taken a stroll out, and unfortunately, MR Perera and another guy happen to return and bump into RITA.“Why have you two been outside the classroom?”“Went to the bathroom, sir.” MR Perera answers boldly.“Ah! You had a baaaaaaaaathroom feeling! Don’t try to teach your grandmother to suck eggs!” The “ck” in the word “suck” was distinctly stressed from somewhere deep down the throat. “Get in and sit down!”