Tales of the Sixties

The Colombo Oval , 13th & 14th March 1963, Randy Morrell wins the toss
and elects to bat. With the score at 254 for 9, the Thomians declare and S.S.
Kumar's boys are in trouble, Cosby is out for 2 and Hamza follows suite ,
Royal are 17 for 2 , Skipper SS scores a single and he's out for 1, Shaw hangs
on batting cautiously with Malale, and then Shaw is caught at 27, Royal are
now 42 for 4, Cedric joins Malale and the fireworks start. Those whose heads
are heavy , after too much spirits and are in a horizontal state,
start to rise like
Zombies, staggering yet watch the magic unleashed by Malale.
There aren't many old crocks on the roads after the match , light house too is
quiet, everyone is at the Race course, at the Blue and Gold Fair. The popular
requests on the public address system , are Elvis Presley's "Suspicions" and
Cliff Richards " The Young Ones". Yes, we were the young uns at that time.
After 4 hectic days , Thursday to Sunday , our first carnival and the Royal
Thomian, Dudley has decreed that the term exams would start on Monday.
Representations and objections , fell on deaf ears and so we decided to take
the law into our own hands, Monday morning the entire class [ lower VI ]
met at the Dehiwela zoo, Tapare Jayasekera brought along his guitar. Our
first stop was the monkeys cage, where we taught the monkeys to smoke
and also other intimate stuff which they learnt so well, that when groups of
schoolgirls came, they proudly did what they were taught , which made the
girls blush and run away in embarrassment, much to our amusement.
The next stop was the rhinoceros pit, after being chased away from the
monkeys, before long we were chased away from here too as we were trying
to coax the rhino to jump out of the pit. Next morning , the whole lot were
called to the Conference Room with Dudley threatening to suspend anyone
without a valid excuse letter. Luckily, all had letters of excuse . We
did regret
our action of the previous day , as Thayaparan, our botany teacher , an old
Royalist himself took our boycott as something personal. However much we
tried to explain that it was not his paper that we boycotted, but the first exam
he would not listen to us. A few months later he left college, which made us
feel guilty. However, he was in for another rude shock , for one
Saturday morning
he took us to the Negombo Lagoon , on a botany expedition. As we got off from
the cars Kaiyyum KKB, got a bright idea of jumping into the lagoon and
committing
suicide. At first we were all worried , then we realized this was just
a hoax, poor
Thayaparan was sweating and in a panic and it took him about half an
hour to persuade
Kaiyyum not to end his life .The moment Kaiyyum agreed to abandon his threat we
were all bundled into the cars and back we returned to College, end of
the botany
expedition. The following year ,we coaxed Cos Dias to take us on this
trip and he
took us to the Bamba beach to study sea plants. The moment he bent
down to examine a
plant , most of us took off , for the Holy Family back wall was right
behind us. We
climbed the back wall , and started screaming for the girls to come
out. It was a thrill for
us to approach the girls from the back door. At that time we were
unaware that to our
friends in Mt Lavinia , an approach from the rear was a done thing.
Cos Diaz , was so mad
when he caught us , the trip was abandoned and back we were in college.
Around this time, EC Kataya was trying to emerge as the disciplinarian
of the upper school
a self appointed role he was trying to take on supported by a few
losers in the staff like
Thillainadarasa ( aka Sonny Liston) AK Sharma , and a few others.
Lower sixth second
term exam , Thilla comes to class to supervise and immediately walks
upto Lloyd P, who
was buisy answering his paper lifts him up and gives him an upper cut.
Lloyd is dazed and
falls back onto the seat, about 5 of us with KKB in the forefront
escorted Lloyd out of the
class and walked him over to the Cinnamon Gardens police station.
While escorting Lloyd
to the cop station we could see the whole gang ( Kataya and his
stooges) looking out from
a classroom noting down the guys accompanying Lloyd. At the cop
station ,while Lloyd
sat dazed we made a statement which was more descriptive than a
Muhammed Ali, knock
out fight and Lloyd signed the statement. The inquiry by the cops went
on for about 6
months till Thilla had to finally apologize to Lloyd , and this
brought an abrupt end to
Thilla's boxing career at Royal , but started the fight between Kataya
Gunasekera and us.
Unfortunately , Kataya was our zoo master and just after this incident
he was able to get
his revenge. While the rest were dissecting the rat, according to the
priciples laid out in
the text book , I cut the scrotal sac and had the testes in my forceps
scouting for a suitable
person to put it on. There was NR Fernando, trying to emulate his
father who was an
anesthetist, very busy dissecting , removing his hanky from his pocket
every 5 mts to
wipe the sweat off his face. So I walked up to NR , and managed to
lodge the testes in his
hanky, little did I realize that Kataya was watching my every move. A
few minutes later
NR took the hanky out and wiped his face unaware that he was rubbing
the rats testes all
over his face and when he realized that he had the testicles stuck to
his face, there was
pandemonium. Kataya threw me out from class, for the rest of the year
and unfortunately
he was the zoo teacher in the upper VI th , first and second year as
well, so I was out of
his class from mid '63 to the end of December '65.
February 1963 , NR & Dr. Kanda are suspended from college, as they
were caught by the
Principal cutting college. They were standing for a bus right opposite
the Principal's
bungalow in Reid Ave. That afternoon NR decides to run away from home
and he comes
to my place in a morris minor taxi , he sits in the backseat refuses
to get down and he
says " machan , I am running away from home, pay the taxi fare", which
was about 3
bucks , big money in those days. So I went down the lane collecting
money and finally
paid the fare. We now go over to Gamini Edirisinghe's ( Kalu Albert) ,
which is a few
yards away from my back door . NR relates his story and asks for
Albert's bike to which
Gamini responds " you run machan, but leave my bike and run". In 1984,
I go to the UDA
head office in Colombo, to meet Dr.NR , he was the legal advisor to
the prime minister
and also Deputy Chairman UDA, over a property in kandy damaged during
the 83 riots.
I was called in immediately and over a phone call to the Kandy branch
, the matter was
resolved. I thanked him and when I was leaving he says " ado, thank
you wont do, what
about my fee". I then reminded him that I paid a retainer 21 years
ago, he looked puzzled
and when I reminded him that I paid his taxi fare, I was chased out
with Fs and Bs.
about my fee". I then reminded him that I paid a retainer 21 years
ago, he looked puzzled
and when I reminded him that I paid his taxi fare, I was chased out
with Fs and Bs.
1964, encouraged by his goons , Kataya without Cos Dias's permission
forcibly puts an
additional desk and chair in Cos's room for himself. Cos was then head
master upper
school . Kaiyyum and I walk into see Cos , usually we are full of
smiles when we go to
see Cos, but this day we had glum looks on our face, and when Cos
inquired why, we told
him we were disappointed with him, that he was scared of Kataya and
that before long
Kataya would take his seat and throw him out. We dared Cos to throw
Kataya's desk and
chair out of his office and not to tolerate him. Next morning , we
noticed the desk and
chair were thrown out of the office and we congratulated Cos , that
ended Kataya's
pranks for a while.
1962 , lower V Kota Silva's Latin exam. Two and a half rows are
copying from Mung
Ataya's paper. I am next to Mung and Kadalay Janz copies from me and
it goes down to
the rest on kadalay's right and from there to the last 2 rows. Mung ,
suddenly hits his
hand on his forehead to attract our attention and inserts a word , we
follow suite . The
next day Kota slaps the entire 2 1/2 rows for writing filth in the
Latin exam. The last two
in the last row were Hans Kinch and Rukoniva , the Dutch and Polish
ambassadors sons ,
twice the height of Kota , he stands on his toes and slaps them too.
Mung inserted
"Clitoria" , he Latinized the clitoris and before handing over his
answer script scratched it
off , while we thought it was a latin word and paid the price for it.
This made me change
over to Madam's English lit class the next year. In the 60s , trousers
had no zips , but
buttons . Kobbe's trousers had no buttons and he didn't wear any
underwear either. He sat
right in front of Madam, and when the class was engrossed in
Shakespeare's Merchant of
Venice , Kobbe's trio would venture out from the buttonless trouser to
listen to the antics
of Portia and Bassanio trying to save Antonio's pound of flesh from
Shylock. Then
madam notices the 3 who should not be in the class and says 'Umagiliya
sit properly",
Kobbe just slips them in and before long madam repeats the 3 words again, this
interruption occurs at least 3 or 4 times in class.
Contd sheet 2.
Sheet 2.
Like in the movie The Great Escape, where the allied POWs discover they have a
master forger in their midst , we too discovered one in the college
hostel. Unlike the
POWs who were forging travel documents , we only needed new report cards. So
before the end of term we bribed Dudley's peon Kulatunge , and he in
turn gave us the
reports in their recycled brown paper envelopes with the Raja Sevaya
Pinisa seal on it
and in addition blank report cards. We met at no: 27 Bagatelle Rd ,
which was Jega's
residence and our club house and the original reports were read out
loud , amidst jeers
and cheers at the marks and comments. Then the blank report cards were
filled out and
every subject was in the 90s, Dudley's comments "Unsatisfactory" in the original
report now read "Excellent" in the forged version and the signature looked more
authentic than Dudley's . These were now replaced in the envelopes and
mailed out
and the originals were kept safely with the parent or guardian's
signature being signed
by the master forger. Everybody was happy, parents were happy with the
reports and
the teachers with the original reports that were turned in with the
"parents signature" at
the beginning of the new term. Only , I missed the little fun I had at
the expense of a
friend who lives in Alfred Place. Before we discovered the master
forger, the original
reports were mailed home, and I used to visit this guy on the day the
reports arrive at
home. He used to get 3 and 4 for chemistry and physics and when I get
there in the
evenings , his father used to bat to me for about half an hour till
our friend finishes his
bathroom session. So on the day the report arrives, the topic of
discussion is studies
and marks. When I am asked for my marks I say 97 and 96 for chemistry
and physics,
and start batting about how easy these subjects are if one devotes at
least 2 to 3 hours
each day to study at home. I avoid him the next day at school knowing
fully well that
he would have got the works at home, and he comes looking for me and I
get a work
out full of Fs and Bs , for he is gated.
1964, Kalu Albert makes the mistake of announcing that his 18th B'day was the
following week. When we asked him for a party , his reply was , you
beggars will eat
and go and will not bring any presents. We promised to bring presents
, still he said no
till Lionel Peiris assured him that we would bring gifts. So on that
day , about 35 guys
were at Gamini's all with gifts, shirt boxes well wrapped in brown
paper , as in the
sixties there was no gift wrapping paper. I had no shirt box and found
a box for the
"Morning Pride" shaving cream tube. So I filled it with pebbles and
put some old cloth
on both ends so that it would not rattle if shaken. Wrapped this in
brown paper and
walked over for the party, 18 year old Gamini was beaming he had
received 35 gifts
and when he took mine , his first question was " Is it a wristlet or a
moth organ", to
which I replied it was a surprise. This was the first time that Gamini
played such a
perfect host forcing us to eat and eat, and we did so knowing that
this was the last party
at his place. The gifts were stacked in the office room , 35 shirt
boxes all wrapped in
identical brown paper and one box containing either a wrist watch or
mouth organ.
When his relations came in they were taken to the office room , a
proud B'day boy
displaying the generosity of his friends. Finally when it was time to
say goodbye , he
called me aside and says " machan since you organized the party , take
at least 10 shirts
I don't need all ". Knowing what was inside the boxes , I refused his
generosity and got
the hell out of there. A few minutes later I get a call , when I
answered , he says "
I don't need all ". Knowing what was inside the boxes , I refused his
generosity and got
the hell out of there. A few minutes later I get a call , when I
answered , he says "
bloody bastard' and hangs up. The whole family had got together in the
office room
and opened gift after gift, each box had old knickers wrapped in
newspaper, or old jock
straps wrapped in newspapers, finally he had opened the last box
thinking at least that
had a shirt , unfortunately that too had the same stuff. That was
Albert's last B'day
party.
In 1962, NR was unanimously elected chairman of the Buddhist Brotherhood. Later,
the election was annulled and fresh elections were held, as there was
enough evidence
to prove that Kaiyyum had led a group of about 30 members of the Hindu Students
Society to vote enbloc for NR. So much for the racial violence in the
country today.
Maybe the tree climbers in parliament need to learn a lesson from this.
And finally , this is Atu's favourite opening stroke, when he comes to
the states each
year, a trip he wangles annually as head of the AIDS & VD dept. When Atu's pater
passed away, the hostellers went to Ratnapura for the funeral. When it
was time for the
boys to return ,Atu had inquired from each one whether they had enough
cash for bus
fare. Everyone said yes machan don't worry. Carl Thambirajah had 10
cts, Dr Peter
Suba 10 cts ,Ganga Ismail 5 cts etc. So Atu arranged for them to
return with Barney
Raymond who was coming back alone in the hearse. Barney made the mistake in
stopping on the way to buy a bottle of arrack, which he offered the
boys in the back
after taking a few sips. The bottle was never returned to the owner.
Finally when they
returned to Colombo , he had gone to the hostel to drop them off,
however one could
not get down, and the boys had pleaded with Barney to drop him off at
his brother's
place in Unity Place, behind Ladies back wall, opposite end of Balu
Amme's. So when
Barney reached his destination , he had rung the door bell and opened
the hearse back
door and slid the stretcher down ( where the coffin is placed) and
rolled out Dr Peter
Suba , who lay on the stretcher comatose. On seeing this Suba's poor mater has
screamed "kadavuley, kadavuley" , thinking the son's dead body was being brought
home.
I am sure if the genie gives us 3 wishes, every Royalist would wish as follows.
1. To go BACK TO ROYAL ( Happy land, Happy land) from the 1st form
onwards.
2. To have the same masters.
3. To have the same classmates , as we have become one big family.

BAWA.